You’ve been fighting with your spouse for years, there is no intimacy left in your marriage, and you want out. Many feelings of indecision, doubt, fear, and frustration flood your mind regularly and you just want it to end. Divorce seems like the only choice you have. While it is true that many people who feel this way do choose to end their marriage, it is important that you ask yourself how ready you are for the inevitable changes that come along with divorce. Taking the necessary time to prepare yourself for divorce will save you from future emotional and financial battles later on.
You must be willing to separate your life from that of your spouse in every way: emotionally, physically, spiritually, practically, and financially. To determine if you are legitimately prepared for this change, ask yourself the following questions.
- Do you still have feelings for your spouse? These strong feelings may mask themselves as anger, hate, or passionate rage that you interpret to mean you no longer care for your partner. However, this may actually mean that you do care deeply for the individual you share your life with and you may not be fully prepared to let that person go.
- Are you just threatening divorce to try to get your way? The more you threaten your partner with divorce, the less impact your threats will have. If you are truly ready for divorce, you will feel comfortable saying, “There is nothing more I can give to this relationship. I am at peace with closing this chapter of my life.”
- Are you harboring ulterior motives for divorce? Do you secretly hope a divorce will cause your spouse to change for the better, treat you better, or make them realize what they are losing? These ulterior motives indicate that you are still very attached to the idea of this person as a major fixture in your life.
- Are you making this decision as an emotional reaction or based on an awareness of your true feelings about your relationship? People who get divorced out of anger usually stay angry for a long time after the divorce is over and done with. Moving on will prove difficult if you merely blame your partner for everything falling apart. Take responsibility for your decision to end the relationship because you feel it is no longer what is best for either party.
- Have you resolved your internal conflict about the divorce? It is normal to be torn about your decision at first as you weigh the pros and cons of this life-changing decision. Many people feel sure of their decision while simultaneously feeling guilty. It is imperative to acknowledge the contradictory emotions you have, come to terms with your feelings, and reach a determined conclusion before you decide to file for divorce.
- Can you adapt to the inevitable changes? If you are opposed to major changes in your finances, lifestyle, or traditions, the relationship you have with your children, or are unwilling to accept the possibility of venturing into the unknown, you are not ready for divorce. These may be things you work through as you go through the divorce process, but the divorce process will go much smoother if you learn to become comfortable with change before you instigate it.
- Can you make mature decisions regarding the future of your ex-spouse and children? Are you seeking vengeance against a spouse that wronged you or are you willing to compromise on important logistical matters? Are you placing your own selfish desires above the good of your family?
If you can comfortably answer these questions, you are more prepared for divorce than most people who file for divorce in society today. The more comfortable you are with change, compromise, and letting go, the easier it will be for a collaborative divorce to take place. To set up an initial consultation with an experienced family law attorney who will help you mediate your divorce proceedings, call Brad Crider at Crider Law today.